America, Fuck Yeah!

So now that we have all officially survived the perilous onslaught of fireworks, beer, and poorly cooked grilled goods last weekend, we can now begin to introspectively reflect on the very nature of "our nations" independence day.

First, let us begin with a brief historical lesson, on July 4th a bunch of radical and very courageous men surreptitiously signed a document claiming independence from the British crown. Now some 200+ years later we know this day simply dubbed as "independence day". But we were independent on this day? In theory perhaps, but in reality, hell no, not in 1776.

The treaty of Paris, September 3, 1783 marked the official denunciation of the British Crown from the former colonies (now known as America to some) and our true independence but, there is little drunken revelry, chaos, hoo-raa America chants, or eh, a national holiday on september 3rd. In fact, september 3rd is one of the most de-liberating time periods in young peoples lives, for it is on this day that kids have to reverse there free-thinking radical "Summer-minds" into neo-political hogwash teacher-student talk.

Now lets talk about fireworks. From a normal everyday perspective they seem entertaining, a little wild, and a sign of celebration. Now take a metaphysical perspective. You are an alien and upon your first observation of Earth you see three men. Laden in polo shirts and khaki shorts, beers, and a "Cozys" (a contraption made for beers which locks in the ice cold refreshing taste, sinister schemes, and well you know.......) and they are hooting and hollering all across the street and happen to have brightly colored sticks in there hands.

After running around for about five minutes playing what seems like a mixture of grab ass, duck-duck-goose, and pin the tail on the donkey, one emerges from the group, "Hey y'all lets light these suckers, AMERICA!" the three in perfect unison yelp, "FUCK YEAH!"

They lay out there brightly coloroed sticks and begin to giggle and dart back and forth amongst one another. "Whos got the lighter?!" fingers start pointing, then all hell breaks loose, accusations, murder schemes, the whole nine yards. "Oh my bad, it twas just in my pocket y'all" "You mother fucker!".......a slight pause of silence, then the three banding there mind body and souls together proclaim, "America! FUCK YEAH"

They then very briskly light the three colored sticks and run roughly 1/64 of a parsect away. The colored sticks begin to pop and sizzle, simultaneously accompanied by laughter, gulps of beer, and an immensley powerfull feeling of American patriotism.

Why, my fellow compatriots, I ask, why........



Jose Luiz